To fill you all in on what's going on here, a while back a super cute blogger Jess wrote a post called "things i'm afraid to tell you" in an effort to open up and share with her readers. So, then EZ did the same thing and started an entire blogging movement of vulnerability and transparency. Such a cool idea. I was invited to be included in on wave #2 by Meg and I jumped at the chance so I could connect with you guys more! Mostly because the times I do open up, I love hearing what you have to say and I reminds me how amazing the blogging community is.
So here are a few of mine:
1) I'M AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID.
As much as I would like to sit and go on and on about the insecurities that I DO have (i'm not good enough, i'm not smart enough, i'm not talented enough, i'm not pretty enough, etc) I am most afraid of being afraid. I never want to be one of those people that lets fear or insecurity stand in the way of going after what I want in my life. So much so that I am constantly making an effort to be around people who push, motivate, encourage and inspire me so that I never get stuck in that "worry, anxiety, fear" mindtrap. Because it's there, right there every day for me when I wake up. It's tough, but I have to make that deliberate effort every single day to talk myself into thinking POSITIVELY about the day and what my future holds. And YA, it's hard but I do it anyway, even when I don't really feel like it.
2) I'M A PEOPLE PLEASER.
I don't know where it comes from but I am literally terrified of upsetting someone or hurting their feelings to the point that I will keep my feelings about something to myself and it sometimes ends up backfiring on me. This happens to me so often with clients, when they want to decorate their home with horrid fabrics, looks or pieces and I just keep my mouth shut. It's the worst part of my personality and I am actively learning to be more assertive in this aspect of my life, in work and in my personal life. Sometimes I make decisions based on what someone else wants me to do or thinks I should do and that is just NOT they way to go about things. I really want + NEED to be better about this.
3) I'M TIRED.
Blogging. Designing + Decorating. Living in New York City. Attending social events. Taking phone calls and meetings. Church. Gym. Networking. Running my own businesses. Dating. It's so much and a little overwhelming and sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day and just shut my brain completely off. New York is a lot and it has worked me to the core. Coming to this city has been the most humbling experience of my life. Yes, its magical and incredible and the city where dreams are made, even my own. IT'S NOT REALLY AS GLAMOROUS AS IT SEEMS. I really hope I don't kill your dreams and fantasies about what life is like living here, I really don't. But it's true + boy has it been a struggle. When I moved here I had the best of expectations...but I've had the worst of experiences. I've lived out of my suitcases, have been held at gunpoint, i fell madly in love and had my heart completely broken, i got robbed of everything on me including keys, ID, credit cards and stuck on the streets till midnight, worked a job at 70 hours a week and got paid like I was part time just so I could get an employer to sign a paper so I could get an apartment, watched a friend attempt suicide, and traveled from brooklyn to the upper west side carrying several pieces of furniture because a client needed me to. Sometimes, it's so exhausting it just doesn't even seem real. BY NO MEANS AM I COMPLAINING, MY LIFE IS PRETTY FABULOUS...Its just not perfect. I don't want to be ungrateful even for a second, because I am doing what I used to dream of doing, but if I were to act like it was perfect I would be completely inauthentic and thats the whole point of this post!
So...now you know a little about the things that I really want to share but never do. And I encourage you to read the other bloggers in this wave (below) too so we all can bond and know each other a little bit better.
Thanks for listening!
Xoxo
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